Snip, Snap, Snarl!

Hello, world at large! Hope you enjoyed the latest picture of the trips. It's getting hard to believe how big they are. Technically, Tom's weight does not yet require that we move up into size 4 diapers, but the size of his belly is makes me think it won't be very long. Diapers, sleepers, formula, cereal. All this stuff adds up. And since our ins are exceeding our outs by a very unimpressive margin lately, I undertook that wonderful Sunday morning pastime we all love -- coupon clipping.

I've never been so flush that I didn't NEED to use coupons, just flush enough that I was too LAZY to remember to do so. If I clipped them, they wound up expiring before I remembered to use them. But, as the song says, "...it's a new dawn. It's a new day, and I'm feeling good." At least I was before I went to Wal-Mart.

I think what I failed to understand about coupon usage was the increased mental strain they require. Not only do you have to clip more than a dozen little bits of paper and corral them into some kind of transportable pile, you have to be sure they are actually somewhere on your person when you leave the house. Thanks to Tessa stopping me as I rushed out the door to take Jack to school this morning, I was able to u-turn and grab my planner before racing pell-mell to insure Jack made it to school in time for snack. With that accomplished, I headed off on my money saving mission.

Perhaps the most difficult coupons to use are the ones that specify what size or quantity of a particular item you must buy in order to get the rebate. I made little notes on my list to help me along -- 2 cans of Spaghetti Os, 2 cans of Chicken and Stars -- but then it got tricky. The coupon specified THREE boxes of Puffs, but they were only packaged in FOURS. Was that an automatic disqualification? Would they agree to simply ignore the fact that I was inadvertently purchasing a fourth box and give me my 50 cents anyhow? I had to stop and think about that one. Then the Pampers -- a quick check assured me that even though the box didn't have JUMBO printed on it anywhere and the coupon DID specify a jumbo box, the count indicated that it did indeed qualify for $1 off. I had to shove the threes a little to make the box of fives fit beside it on the bottom of the buggy. I still had to get bottled water (no coupon) and Diet Pepsi in bottles (a few cents cheaper at the Pig, but whatever...I haven't had caffeine in two days) and I'll need space for those as well. Then back to my coupons. They don't have Jason's deodorant, so I'll have to put that one in a safe place for later. There were plenty of the razors I wanted to try, but apparently I mislaid that particular coupon. Phooey! They had the type of air freshener I wanted but not the scent (apple cinnamon/holly berry makes me want to hurl) so I decide to buy the starter unit with the yucky scent and then get refills in the scent that I like. Somehow this seems to defeat the purpose of the coupon, and I hesitate once again before putting it in the buggy. Two bottles of Tide, Charmin, Bounty, Febreze spray (lets me forget I have a dog for about a minute and a half), and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, and I've exhausted my coupons. I've also developed a monster headache from having to double check each item to make sure it qualifies. At last, I head for the registers.

After you exceed a certain merchandise weight, your average shopping cart becomes a lot less maneuverable. I bump and scrape my way to the front, displacing several endcaps on the way, and begin to strategically unload my cart. I warn the cashier that I have a lot of coupons and ask if she wants me to save them until the end, then begin stacking merchandise on the conveyor. All the heavy stuff first, careful to make sure I completely empty the lower tray...Where the !@#$ are the number threes!!! Apparently, I've been losing passengers right and left during my rambling tour of the store, but it's too late now. Jason can make another run later. I finish off-loading and get ready to pay wondering how bad the damage will be. I'm busy watching the total, when the cashier reminds me about my coupons. Holy crap!! After all this, I almost walk out without using them!! She patiently helps me sort through them, and I stumble toward the exit with my towering buggy.

Once out in the sunlight, I check my receipt. I've saved $7.50. Well whoopty-doo. Thank goodness one of my coupons was for Exedrin. I haven't had to do so much adding and subtracting since high school, and I'm not sure I can take the mental strain of this penny pinching stuff. I think they should make coupons for the ABC store. Now that would come in handy.