Blue Jeans Blues

Here's some important research from the mall front. Bunco girls...stop reading now. You've already suffered through this once.

This is nothing truly earth shattering, but I just thought I'd share. Since having the trips, buying jeans has become as much fun as shopping for swimsuits. Here's what I've learned so far

-- High rise means just below the belly button. Obviously, whoever came up with that did NOT live through the eighties where high-rise could hit anywhere between your waist and the bottom of your bra, but whatever...I'm old and out of it.

-- mid-rise hits well below the belly button and just screams "hello muffin-top"

--low-rise says "No, I'm not a plumber. Why do you ask?"

--super low-rise lets anyone within 20 feet of me see what a c-section scar looks like.

With most denim being geared toward pre-teens or skank hos (the line gets blurrier every day), I have been severely traumatized in my quest to own enough jeans to see me through a normal mommy week -- meaning something nasty gets spit, spilled or wiped on me daily, so I need several pairs. Finally, I came across the BIG STAR Maddie fit at Buckle. It's high-rise (just below belly button) and totally covers my giant badonkadonk without looking like the patented, JCPenney "Mom Jean" (tapered leg, waist hits about the third rib, makes your ass look like its own planet...you know the one). This one actually looks fairly young and hip with it's boot cut and cool washes. Best of all, I was able to sneak down a size in some of the washes (the lighter ones are made of a stretchier fabric).

While this is the perfect jean for moms, there is a drawback to purchasing anything from Buckle. My friend, Kim, swears that she can't set foot in the place because it requires an Olympic medal in texting and a birthdate well after 1990. I should point out that Kim looks about 17, and raises the cool points of any room she enters by half. So just be prepared for some culture shock as Gen X meets Gen-OMG, she did not say that!. Also, the sales staff must get paid more for selling the smaller sizes, because even if a jean is tight enough to cut off blood flow to your extremities, they will try to talk you into buying the next size down.

If you share my shopping angst and firmly believe that all pants should come with a kangaroo pouch to store your stretched out mom belly, hopefully I've saved you a little time in the dressing room. And to paraphrase Kim once again...May all your backsides look fierce!