Pale: The New Tan

You know how fitness experts claim a good cardio workout is one that gets your heart rate up for a sustained period of time? Currently, I'm able to do that by sitting very still and blinking slowly. Ahhh...the wonderful world of anemia -- it's not just for vampires any more.

I suppose after a triplet pregnancy, winding up short a few red blood cells was inevitable. However, my new workout regime of staring fixedly at a spot on the floor is starting to get old. I do count trips to the restroom as cross-training, but even I know that's stretching the meaning of the term a bit far.

I had every intention of continuing to take my prenatal vitamins for at least a couple of months after the boys came to head off just such a problem. But it's amazing the sort of things you can forget when in a sleep-deprived state. The first thing to fall by the wayside was make-up and hair care. Next on this slippery slope was allowing more than 24 hours to pass before showering. I've now progressed to a place I'd only heard of in rumors -- forgetting to eat. I have actually said out loud in years past that you had to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. Mama was right -- I really am special.

Up until now, eating had always been right up there with breathing -- one of those things you did without thinking about it too hard before, during or after the fact. I have even been guilty of eating something I didn't really like, then munching on yet another food item just to get the taste of the first one out of my mouth. These days, the world has turned upside down. The biggest bummer about the whole thing is that I'm not even losing weight. Apparently, there's some physiologic trick your body can pull on you when you consume below a certain caloric minimum. Essentially, you can eat so little that your body thinks you're starving. Therefore, anything that does make it past my lips is immediately stored on my already enormous hips. It's a cruel, cruel world we live in.

So now I'm actually scheduling time to eat -- just like those really skinny people that have such fast metabolisms that they accidentally lose weight all the time. Only I'm not skinny, couldn't lose a pound if my life depended on it, and am pretty sure my metabolism is roughly equivalent to that of a hibernating bear. Otherwise, almost exactly like those poor, pathetic skinny people.

Whew! All this typing has really gotten my blood pumping. I better go start my "cool down" routine of staring into space, followed by a quick nap. Happy hemoglobin, everybody!