Monday, February 18, 2008
On second thought...
...the girl scout cookies I ordered months ago just came in. Thin Mints + Samoas + Do-Si-Dos = Up yours Weight Watchers. Mommy is on a break. On the upside, I'm smiling a lot more now. Thanks, Bethany!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
I would have blogged...
...but I'm dieting for my brother-in-law's upcoming wedding. All this healthy eating and exercise has left me angry, confused and HUNGRY!! Now I know why all those skeletal runway models look so pissed off all the time. Whereas the pleasantly-plump among us tend to be fairly content, even jolly people. Just look at Santa Clause!
Anyhow, I'm trying to make myself take the next step and start doing crunches -- although I completely hate them because they make my back and neck tighten up into an endless series of painful knots. My sweet but clueless husband pointed out that this only happens because my abs are weak, and it will get better as I get stronger. I informed him that a hungry woman really does not need her flaws highlighted, and that he might want to sleep with one eye open unless he was willing to drive to Dairy Queen for an emergency Butterfinger Blizzard.
So far, it's a no-go on the ice cream. I don't think I can be held responsible for what may happen next. Further updates as events warrant -- unless, of course, it might be incriminating.
P.S. If you love me, send CHOCOLATE!
Anyhow, I'm trying to make myself take the next step and start doing crunches -- although I completely hate them because they make my back and neck tighten up into an endless series of painful knots. My sweet but clueless husband pointed out that this only happens because my abs are weak, and it will get better as I get stronger. I informed him that a hungry woman really does not need her flaws highlighted, and that he might want to sleep with one eye open unless he was willing to drive to Dairy Queen for an emergency Butterfinger Blizzard.
So far, it's a no-go on the ice cream. I don't think I can be held responsible for what may happen next. Further updates as events warrant -- unless, of course, it might be incriminating.
P.S. If you love me, send CHOCOLATE!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Fashion Update...
...for the flabby fashionista.
I can't pretend to be the end-all-be-all of fashion reporters. But I can tell you where to go and where to avoid when trying to camouflage, cover up or distract from a lingering mommy belly. Since I only have a limited time each shopping trip, I generally only hit one store. But before my glorious hour of shopping is up, I know all there is to know about my target. That is why, ladies, you should listen up when I tell you that it is time to fall into THE GAP.
Cute, cheap and infinitely wearable, THE GAP has become a favorite of mine for tops, Ts and dresses. I hesitate to recommend either their slacks or their jeans because I find they have a disturbing tendency to invade my *ahem* personal space. But that could just be me, and you should feel free to make your own call there.
Here are a few of my personal faves:
The Circle Print Bib Front Shirt is way cuter on than it appears in this picture. For some reason the model is wearing at least one size too big. Buy the smallest size you can get your girls into, then go somewhere else and find some super cute white sailor-inspired trousers (the ones with the wide legs) and you will be beach-worthy in no time.
Rock the carpool in this Super Soft Square Necked top. Instantly slimming -- this one hides a host of bulges under a soft swingy bodice. Buy a size down from what you're used to or this one will slip off your shoulders.
Everyday comfort can be yours in this elbow sleeved blouson top (I'm guessing blouson means blousy). This one is great at masking mommy middle, but if your arms are a little thicker, skip this one because the elastic is really tight above the elbows.
Since color is the buzz-word for spring (why does that seem to translate to so much Lemon Yellow clothing?), you cannot go wrong with this Henley Sweater in Emerald Green. This looked so good with dark wash jeans, I actually complemented my reflection. Thankfully, it didn't answer back, or else I'd have to seek advice here.
I cannot stress how cute this Striped Ruffle Front dress is. Even cuter is the solid blue chambray version which, for some reason, is only available in stores. RUN do not walk and make this purchase. Dress it up for casual church or down for the grocery run. Either way, you'll feel even better than when you're wearing your icky, faded, XL sweats -- only you won't look homeless anymore. Won't that be nice?
This empire dress is awesome. It's mostly rayon with a touch of spandex -- meaning it feels like butter and travels well. Again, buy a size down because it is EXTREMELY forgiving in all the places that matter. Also, that is a REALLY deep V, so if you're self conscious about showing your girls to the world, layer it over a plain white camisole as you head off to confession. However, if you're on your way to a clambake, skip the cami and thank God you're not one of those poor, flat-chested girls. They may look good in A-lines, but WE were made for V-necks.
Not bad for an hour's work, huh? Let me know if I've missed anything. Also, I'd love feedback on more forgiving-fashion hotspots. Happy hunting!
I can't pretend to be the end-all-be-all of fashion reporters. But I can tell you where to go and where to avoid when trying to camouflage, cover up or distract from a lingering mommy belly. Since I only have a limited time each shopping trip, I generally only hit one store. But before my glorious hour of shopping is up, I know all there is to know about my target. That is why, ladies, you should listen up when I tell you that it is time to fall into THE GAP.
Cute, cheap and infinitely wearable, THE GAP has become a favorite of mine for tops, Ts and dresses. I hesitate to recommend either their slacks or their jeans because I find they have a disturbing tendency to invade my *ahem* personal space. But that could just be me, and you should feel free to make your own call there.
Here are a few of my personal faves:
The Circle Print Bib Front Shirt is way cuter on than it appears in this picture. For some reason the model is wearing at least one size too big. Buy the smallest size you can get your girls into, then go somewhere else and find some super cute white sailor-inspired trousers (the ones with the wide legs) and you will be beach-worthy in no time.
Rock the carpool in this Super Soft Square Necked top. Instantly slimming -- this one hides a host of bulges under a soft swingy bodice. Buy a size down from what you're used to or this one will slip off your shoulders.
Everyday comfort can be yours in this elbow sleeved blouson top (I'm guessing blouson means blousy). This one is great at masking mommy middle, but if your arms are a little thicker, skip this one because the elastic is really tight above the elbows.
Since color is the buzz-word for spring (why does that seem to translate to so much Lemon Yellow clothing?), you cannot go wrong with this Henley Sweater in Emerald Green. This looked so good with dark wash jeans, I actually complemented my reflection. Thankfully, it didn't answer back, or else I'd have to seek advice here.
I cannot stress how cute this Striped Ruffle Front dress is. Even cuter is the solid blue chambray version which, for some reason, is only available in stores. RUN do not walk and make this purchase. Dress it up for casual church or down for the grocery run. Either way, you'll feel even better than when you're wearing your icky, faded, XL sweats -- only you won't look homeless anymore. Won't that be nice?
This empire dress is awesome. It's mostly rayon with a touch of spandex -- meaning it feels like butter and travels well. Again, buy a size down because it is EXTREMELY forgiving in all the places that matter. Also, that is a REALLY deep V, so if you're self conscious about showing your girls to the world, layer it over a plain white camisole as you head off to confession. However, if you're on your way to a clambake, skip the cami and thank God you're not one of those poor, flat-chested girls. They may look good in A-lines, but WE were made for V-necks.
Not bad for an hour's work, huh? Let me know if I've missed anything. Also, I'd love feedback on more forgiving-fashion hotspots. Happy hunting!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Heal Thyself
I don't know about you, but I just don't have time to go to the doctor. To be honest, even if I had tons of time on my hands, I still wouldn't want to spend a single minute the doctor's office. With four kids, I see plenty of waiting rooms on their behalf. So when it comes to myself I like to avoid it whenever possible.
Recently, however, I really thought I was going to have to bite the bullet and go. I'd been battling the problem for months. Nothing I tried had worked, and I was now in real pain. What terrible thing could have driven me to such desperation? Promise not to laugh? O.k. -- it was chapped lips. You said you wouldn't laugh!
Honestly, I would laugh at me too if I were you. Only I'm the one whose lips were self destructing and it was NOT at all funny. I had been through tons of Burt's Bees Balm, Vaseline, Chapstick...I'd even sprung for a $10 tube of lip balm at L'Occitane. Nothing helped and I could barely open my mouth to eat. Also, I looked similar to the "Before" pictures in all those ads for herpes medications.
Since it's the weekend, and everyone knows Dermatologists only work Monday through Thursday (at best), I turned to the internet for help. Although I've never actually hugged a tree, I found this site to be extremely helpful. Apparently the people who publish Prevention magazine have compiled a list of symptoms for everything from Aches to Warts and everything in between (including Hearing Voices, which was a personal favorite). I've only tried the remedy for Lip Chapping, but it was 100% effective and I think I'll be able to forego a visit to the dermatologist after all. Incidentally, the saltwater compress worked better than Lip Venom at plumping my pucker, and it certainly felt a lot better than liquid cayenne pepper (the active ingredient in most of those drugstore "trout pout" solutions).
Hope this proves helpful in some small way.
Recently, however, I really thought I was going to have to bite the bullet and go. I'd been battling the problem for months. Nothing I tried had worked, and I was now in real pain. What terrible thing could have driven me to such desperation? Promise not to laugh? O.k. -- it was chapped lips. You said you wouldn't laugh!
Honestly, I would laugh at me too if I were you. Only I'm the one whose lips were self destructing and it was NOT at all funny. I had been through tons of Burt's Bees Balm, Vaseline, Chapstick...I'd even sprung for a $10 tube of lip balm at L'Occitane. Nothing helped and I could barely open my mouth to eat. Also, I looked similar to the "Before" pictures in all those ads for herpes medications.
Since it's the weekend, and everyone knows Dermatologists only work Monday through Thursday (at best), I turned to the internet for help. Although I've never actually hugged a tree, I found this site to be extremely helpful. Apparently the people who publish Prevention magazine have compiled a list of symptoms for everything from Aches to Warts and everything in between (including Hearing Voices, which was a personal favorite). I've only tried the remedy for Lip Chapping, but it was 100% effective and I think I'll be able to forego a visit to the dermatologist after all. Incidentally, the saltwater compress worked better than Lip Venom at plumping my pucker, and it certainly felt a lot better than liquid cayenne pepper (the active ingredient in most of those drugstore "trout pout" solutions).
Hope this proves helpful in some small way.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Conversations Today
Jack: Mommy, I need to go to da hospital in a am-u-lance.
Me (distracted): Oh, really? And why is that?
Jack: Cause my tongue is blue (extending said appendage for examination -- not blue by the way)
Later....
Me (after a dance fest in Jack's room): O.k. mommy can't dance anymore because she needs to go to the bathroom.
Jack: You don't need to go to your bathroom. You can use mine. (takes me by the hand and drags me there) See my bathroom smells (deep sniffly breath in) good now. See? It smells good. You use mine. (good to know the air freshener plug in is appreciated)
Me: O.k., but could I have some privacy?
Jack: Oh sure! I talk to da man. (climbs on stepstool and shouts down sink drain) Could Mommy get a pi-vassee? O.k. tank you. (pretends to scoop something out of sink and hand it to me) He said o.k. Here's your pi-vassee. I brush my teef now.
Jack proceeded to brush his teeth for the entirety of my bathroom break. Just the three of us...me, Jack and the guy in the drain. Pi-vassee is over-rated.
Me (distracted): Oh, really? And why is that?
Jack: Cause my tongue is blue (extending said appendage for examination -- not blue by the way)
Later....
Me (after a dance fest in Jack's room): O.k. mommy can't dance anymore because she needs to go to the bathroom.
Jack: You don't need to go to your bathroom. You can use mine. (takes me by the hand and drags me there) See my bathroom smells (deep sniffly breath in) good now. See? It smells good. You use mine. (good to know the air freshener plug in is appreciated)
Me: O.k., but could I have some privacy?
Jack: Oh sure! I talk to da man. (climbs on stepstool and shouts down sink drain) Could Mommy get a pi-vassee? O.k. tank you. (pretends to scoop something out of sink and hand it to me) He said o.k. Here's your pi-vassee. I brush my teef now.
Jack proceeded to brush his teeth for the entirety of my bathroom break. Just the three of us...me, Jack and the guy in the drain. Pi-vassee is over-rated.
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